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| Marcel Strigberger |
Though Sun said he will likely eat the banana, bought for $6.2 million actually, it comes with a certificate of authenticity recognizing each replacement as the original Comedian. Phew! For a minute I thought Sun was out to lunch.
I see legal issues.
Firstly should someone steal the masterpiece, would they be charged with theft under or over $5,000? If over, the thief could go to jail potentially. This would not be too different than the incarceration of Les Misérables’s Jean Valjean who went to the slammer for 20 years for swiping a loaf of bread. And, once there, he might be locked in protective custody as if another inmate’s fruit goes missing, the culprit’s safety might be at risk.
And is Comedian safe were it to end up at a museum? We have all heard of fanatics attacking artworks in museums with stray paint or the like. Would they be charged with mischief? I can readily see some nut whipping out a knife and nonchalantly slitting the banana. His defence might be, “I was also creating conceptual art; I made a banana split.”
Art?
Then we have insurance issues. The application would have to be modified from the usual fire and theft provisions found in policies. It might read,
- Do you have an alarm system?
- Do you live within 25 metres of a fire hydrant?
- Do you live close to a colony of monkeys?
The insurer would probably have the art appraised before issuing a policy. There are no doubt produce art appraisers who can examine an item with a loupe and certify, “This is a 14-carrot banana.”
And in the event of a theft a police bulletin might get broadcasted, noting, ”Six-million-dollar banana stolen in residential break-in. Thief seen wearing grey jeans, a Blue Jays baseball hat and carrying a green Sobeys bag.”
Conceptual art? I don’t buy it — at all.
Art, to me, is paintings, which you can identify. And these, I noticed, usually fall into three themes.
Firstly, the gory scenes, depicting gruesome and hideous subjects. The titles of these are often something like Messenger’s Head on a Spear. The expression “don’t shoot the messenger” usually did not gain much favour in the Middle Ages.
This theme often includes works of the crucifixion of Jesus — with or without the accompanying thieves. If a medieval artist ever ran into artist’s block, they could always count on jump-starting their artistic juices by commencing a crucifixion painting.
The second prevalent theme is the portrait. There would be a group picture, such as Rembrandt’s Night Watch, depicting a dozen or so nobles in their formal attire who look as though they were forced to pose for six weeks without a break.
Or you find that solo portrait. You know. Most common is that guy in France who wears a Louis XIV wig down to his derrière. The title will read, The Duke de Beaufort du Château de la Caserne à Montagnac, 1678.
No clue who this gentleman was, but we know he felt he was important. To me this is art. It looks like what it is.
You also frequently see a female counterpart to the duke, namely that lady with short brown curly hair wearing a black dress and a pearl necklace and sporting the pinkest cheeks ever. Her name is usually Madame de la Tournadière du Saint-Esprit. The madame was generally the duke’s mistress. She could be no one else. I know my art.
The third theme is the landscape — that beautiful autumn scene that is called A Beautiful Autumn Scene. This group also includes something like a bowl of fruit.
Usually, there is a combo of the portrait and the landscape. You’ll find a painting called The Duke de Beaufort du Château de la Caserne à Montagnac Eating a Peach, 1670, whereby a gentleman is eating a peach.
Some art connoisseurs will make the connection between the peach and Madame de la Tournadière du Saint-Esprit. This view is often inspired by the sequels of the madame in the nude. I, for one, see the connection. Nice.
To me this is art. I see it, and I can stroke my beard and say “Hmm.”
Comedian? No way, Jose. Bananas? Yes, we have no art today.
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe, is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him on X: @MarcelsHumour.
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