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| Marcel Strigberger |
How did she plan to dispose of this stash? Did she have a buyer? I checked around but did not see anything to the effect that she made a phone call to someone like Freddy “the fence” Fazuli setting up a meeting at a warehouse on the south side behind the Chick-fil-A.
Actually, it may be a bit difficult to get any answers from Vera as a judge handed her a jail sentence of nine years. That sounds heavy to me. It’s not as if she stole the crown jewels. I suppose the judge applied the usual sentencing principles of specific and general deterrence.
Then again I don’t see specific deterrence being of major relevance in this case. I doubt there was a pre-sentence report noting that Vera Liddell has an addiction to pinching cases of chicken wings. It’s most unlikely the judge said something to her like, “If you ever come before this court again charged with stealing one wing, we’ll throw the book at you.”
For that matter general deterrence may not play a big role here either. I have not heard of too many cases where thieves hijack armoured KFC trucks. That sure would be a problem, wouldn’t it?
I also wonder how the judge arrived at a jail figure of nine years. Is there a precedent for this type of offence? I Googled it a bit, but did not come across anything like the “People of Maine v. Williams — Judge hits Williams with nine years in slammer for pirating shipload of lobsters.” No luck.
Or maybe the judge meted out his sentence using some basic mathematically correct justice principles. He took 11,000 cases divided by Pi, being 3.14, divided by 365 days/year resulting in 9.5977. Presumably, he gave the lady a break rounding it down to nine years even as she was a first offender. Make sense?
And how will she spend her time in prison? Maybe she’ll work in the kitchen? If so I am almost certain she won’t want to ever look at a chicken. Or even an egg.
I am not sure what kind of prison she is confined to. Maybe minimum security. It is unlikely that this 68-year-old prisoner will try to flee the coop.
Wherever it is, she will no doubt experience some shame when some of the more hardened criminals ask her what she’s in for.
BANK ROBBER: Why are you in the pen? I hit five banks.
VERA: Uhm, chicken wings. I got nabbed trying to sell some to an undercover FBI agent — Poultry Division.
Nine years is certainly more than enough time for the lady to come to grips with this matter. She’ll realize that fowl play does not pay.
As Sir Winston Churchill might have said about this capon, I mean caper, modifying his 1941 comment to the Canadian Parliament: “Some chicken, some wings.”
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him @MarcelsHumour.
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