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| Marcel Strigberger |
Judge Luc Huppé has ordered Bell Canada to pay a Montreal customer $1,000 after ruling he was subject to a “Kafkaesque” experience while trying to cancel his satellite television plan.
His Honour denounced how the man was given the runaround after contacting Bell.
Longtime customer Gilles Tessier first contacted the company in the hopes of cancelling his plan. On the first call, an employee confirmed that Tessier’s subscription would be cancelled as of the next day. However, his credit card was still charged for a month or so.
When he called the company, he was met with what the judge described as “Kafkaesque” customer service: Over the course of about 75 minutes, Tessier would be transferred multiple times and speak with six different employees. These include the intro call where he had to give the usual name, account number and date of birth. Then, along the way, his odyssey included, in addition to the call cutting off, transfers to the loyalty department where he had to repeat this information as well as — get this — the department dealing with approval of “new connections.” Nuts.
“Requiring a customer to endure a 75-minute telephone conversation in order to resolve a problem that, on the surface, seems relatively simple creates undue inconvenience,” Huppé ruled.
Tessier sought $8,000, but the judge noted that the company did not deliberately ignore his request; it just messed up in carrying it out and that the cumulating effect of the event resulted in dehumanizing service. Fortunately, this error was corrected,” Huppé wrote, “albeit in an unduly laborious manner.”
The news item does not detail the total experience. While the different employees may have acted in good faith, given the fact that we frequently experience this type of tribulation with utilities, banks and other behemoth companies, it would not surprise me if AI or other robotic technology was involved in creating some algorithm or whatever for dealing with customer complaints. I can readily envisage this protocol system:
- To discourage complaining, first tell customer, “Your call is important to us” and that “we are experiencing more calls than usual.” They all buy it, even if it’s 3:30 a.m.
- After a minute or so, put on very annoying music. Consider three minutes of Mick Jagger screaming.
- If not successful, transfer customer to some weird department, like the headquarters’s janitor’s office.
- If customer persists, announce something like, “Did you know you can get most of your problems answered by going online, where you can chat with Melvin?”
- After 60 seconds, if customer is not swearing, continue with another dose of Mick Jagger.
- In the unlikely event customer has not yet given up, transfer to the Difficult and Relentless Customer Department. Repeat initial identification inquisition drill of account number, name, and date of birth — insist on exact time of birth. If they get that right, ask for name of the birthing room head nurse.
- By now even Mick Jagger should be tired. Try other music, such as “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
- Customer should, at this stage, be exasperated and surrender. For good measure, you can tell them to go online and view your privacy policy.
- And if you want a good laugh, tell customer to stay on the line if they want to answer a survey. Survey of course is confidential. Nobody will review it, not even the company.
- In the most unlikely event customer still sticks it out, transfer to company’s Marquis de Sade department. Get on the line and promise him anything. This should get rid of him. When he sees the next month nothing has changed, it’s most unlikely he’ll want to go through this ordeal again.
Would this ruling apply in other jurisdictions? Huppé J. noted that, under the Civil Code of Quebec, service providers such as Bell must ensure any customer can easily cancel a contract without imposing “an undue burden on them.” Bravo!
There’s hope.
The news article also noted that Bell Canada did not return a request for comment on this article. I’m sure we would all like to hear their excuse. Anybody masochistic enough to give Bell a call?
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow him @MarcelsHumour.
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