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| Harjot Atwal |
Currently, I am taking a break from the practice of law, likely until the new year.
I think people take breaks for all kinds of reasons. Perhaps, you are having a child. Or, perhaps you need to work on certain things in your life, such as improving relationships or health, creating more work-life balance, fulfilling desires to exercise more and lose weight, etc. All of the above (except the child part) likely apply to me, but I also want to give some thought to my career trajectory.
During the Law Society of Ontario’s (LSO’s) Mental Health Summit for Legal Professionals 2024, a significant portion of the discussion focused on perfectionism. Different types have been identified in the literature.
For example, there could be:
- the socially prescribed perfectionist (having an immense desire to be the best and worrying about others judging and/or rejecting them);
- the other-oriented perfectionist (expecting others to meet impossibly high standards and being critical or judgmental of them); and
- the self-oriented perfectionist (setting high standards for themselves in their lives and careers but being able to go after their goals).
I could likely make a case for me being any (or all) of those three types. But, at the root of it, perfectionism is rooted in “a lack of self-esteem, a feeling that we are not good enough, a feeling to essentially overcompensate for [our] flaws and imperfections … so we try to be perfect,” as described by Dr. Thomas Curran — a professor of psychology — in the aforementioned LSO summit.
As I considered the discussion, I was reminded of my own issues. When I was in my final year of high school, I realized I have an issue with delegation. I like to do everything myself.
Now, I was the yearbook editor-in-chief, I was head of the prefects steering committee, I was head of the student constitution committee, I worked on production for the school play, etc. Lots and lots of extracurriculars. I won the award for Greatest Contribution by a Leaving Class Member at graduation, but I had no other life. The head of production remarked in the yearbook: “Harjot, we have no idea how you had any time for us.” For the yearbook, I did lots of the photography, design, and layout myself, rather than relying on a team.
I still think it was one of the greatest years of my life. I consider the skills I learned then to be essential to how I run my law practice. I became an excellent multi-tasker. However, my issue with delegation is also part of the reason I don’t have any employees currently (the other part simply being I don’t have the type of volume of files yet where I would necessarily need or want to pay for help).
Then, I thought back to the many law clerks I have worked with over the years. I have had good working relationships with many of them. Sometimes, they have not done a lot of real estate practice, and I have always enjoyed teaching and tutoring others since I was young. Indeed, I was a shy, quiet kid growing up, and this was my way of interacting with others and making friends.
At other times, I worked with more senior law clerks. Particularly when I was trying to learn about the more commercial side of real estate law, I would pick their brains. After they went home, I would stay late at the office, analyze their precedents (highlighting areas and making notes in the margins) and then ask them questions about it the next day. I guess I am happy to be a teacher, student or both.
However, going back to the other-oriented perfectionist, I did have a difficult relationship with a senior law clerk in 2018. I was only in my second year of practice, and I worked really hard (regularly staying until about 8 p.m. at least), but I was a bit of a know-it-all. She had many more years of experience and had been hired to support me as I was going to be running my boss’s real estate practice while he stepped away for six months.
Considering how junior I was, she probably thought I had impossibly high standards. I was picky about certain ways the files were worked or documents were prepared. I got irritated by small things like typos, not remembering clients’ names (due to differences in ethnicity) or not using precedents I had created.
Though I tried not to show my irritation to her directly, it probably came off as a bit passive-aggressive when I would just re-create her documents myself rather than taking the time to show her the errors so she could fix the mistakes and learn from them. However, this strategy would have only worked if I had done this from the beginning since a certain closed-off dynamic was created over time.
Unfortunately, the primary issue was that I was supposed to report any errors she was making to my boss, who would then go talk to her as the “nice guy” while I would become the “bad guy.” If I didn’t, my boss would get mad at me. We both recognized this had happened and wasn’t working, and he even instructed me specifically to not be the “bad guy” anymore, but nothing could be changed.
Ultimately, my other-oriented perfectionism caused (somewhat) insurmountable interpersonal problems. I have certainly kept the lesson in mind. Always.
Nowadays, while I don’t personally have employees yet, I do regularly have to work with my mom’s employee (since my mom refers to me mortgage files to act on as a lawyer). So, from the very beginning, I considered and assessed as quickly as possible what strategy would work best with her.
Do I write lengthy emails with detailed instructions? Do I write lots of shorter emails? Do I just pick up the phone and call her when I need something? Should I text instead? How do I explain when I need something urgently since she is not my employee and technically not a law clerk or legal assistant?
I think we actually have a pretty good relationship. I make jokes, and she laughs. She feels comfortable with me enough now to be sarcastic on occasion, which makes me laugh. We talk about our weekends. I even ask her for dating advice sometimes or discuss my related adventures.
I guess I was the socially prescribed perfectionist in not wanting my 2018 boss to judge or reject me, and the other-oriented perfectionist with the 2018 senior law clerk. Now, with my mom and her employee, I guess I am trying to be a self-oriented perfectionist. I set high standards for myself and am usually able to go after my own goals, though I guess I need a break to reflect and reassess from time to time.
Look at that. I guess I did make a case for all three. Though it does take a bit of courage to accept I am imperfect sometimes (even if I perhaps strive for certain standards), I have no doubt that I am.
Harjot Atwal is a real estate lawyer. In 2023, he opened up his own shop, Atwal Law Firm. You can reach him via email at harjot@atwallawfirm.ca, by phone at 905-264-8926 or on LinkedIn.
The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not reflect the views of the author’s firm, its clients, Law360 Canada, LexisNexis Canada or any of its or their respective affiliates. This article is for general information purposes and is not intended to be and should not be taken as legal advice.
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